Permission to Stop Giving

I was recently ‘stood up’, by a no-show, despite the fact that I had carved time out my schedule to give to someone for free.

I was annoyed.

I was giving my time away because I felt I SHOULD and it wasn’t received or valued.

MY BAD.

I have realized that for me there’s a clear distinction between giving something away that I WANT to, and giving something away I feel I HAVE to or SHOULD.

The no-show was MY reminder that it’s up to me to start creating my own boundaries for what I WANT to be giving away.

I know I’m not alone.

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Trading perfection for results

An unsolicited email from a few days ago fueled this post.

Imagine how different life would feel if we stopped taxing ourselves with a need to be perfect? To be superhuman.

Living this way is exhausting and debilitating, and doesn’t lead to much joy.

Intellectually we ‘know’ that nobody is perfect, so why are we afraid to admit it and are often embarrassed by it?

The email I received highlighted the negative perception too many of us carry around about not having “it all together”.

The email was from a professional woman who wanted to get promoted and knew that she needed to work on a few things.

What was disheartening was that her ‘ask’ came with a veil of silence.

Her choice perspective about asking for help was seen as a weakness.

I believe the opposite is true.

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Who needs to know?

Last week my coach and I were talking about the goals that I was working towards. Luckily, I think about them often, so I could answer her questions. The irony is that it wasn’t long ago that I would have had NO clue. I would have manipulated the conversation so that I didn’t have to define anything.

My approach then was to trust that I was working really hard and whatever results I achieved were the best I could do.

That was a cop out.

My response was totally based in fear. I didn’t want to define a goal, because then I had the chance of not reaching it, of failing. Continue reading

We are not asking!

Over the past week I have been reminded of how hesitant so many women are to ASK FOR WHAT we WANT.

Have you ever found yourself in front of an opportunity, a perspective client thinking, etc…thinking: “I want this”, “I know I can help them”, “They are exactly who I’d love to work with”, etc… but you don’t take advantage of the opportunity?

What stops you?

What has stopped me in the past is a fear of being perceived a certain way. I know I am not alone, I hear it from so many others. A fear of people thinking they are pushy, greedy, desperate, arrogant, cheezy, etc…

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“Unpurposeful” – it may not be a real word, but it’s a real feeling!

Do you ever feel like you are on autopilot, just going through your daily motions at work and at home? 

It makes me feel like my wheels are spinning.  I feel totally unproductive and definitely not purposeful!

It’s ironic because I am so focused, have a clear idea of where I’m going and know where I want to end up, but sometimes I still feel totally unproductive.

For those of you thinking…’take a chill pill Victoria’, it’s not about an inability to unplug and take time off. I do that SUPERBLY!

What I’m talking about is feeling unpurposeful.   Not having a clear idea of what I want to be focusing on.

Here are 3 tips that I use to help me get out of my own way…and back to being purposeful.

TIP #1:  READ

No joke. I read something that interests or inspires me.

This past weekend I was inspired by the most recent issue of Women of Influence magazine. I love reading about other women’s journeys. Their stories.  It fuels and motivates me.  That’s what makes me tick…but maybe not you;)

TIP #2: CHOOSE ONE THING

When I am feeling like I’m unproductive or unfocused, I remind myself to just think of jONE thing. One goal, or maybe it’s something I want to start doing differently.   Bringing my attention to one specific thing allows me to start feeling productive.

TIP #3: JUST DO IT!

What a cliché, but it’s true. Take action. Make it happen.

For me it was signing up for a boxing class and giving back.  The giving back took the form of telling people about a great gift idea for your colleagues, boss, family, etc…

A gift that keeps on giving.….where you purchase a gift, on behalf of the person you are buying for, but the gift is given to less fortunate and incredibly deserving children that are part of the Hannehowardfund.org.  I have no way of attaching the PDF with the information, but if you want to avoid buying of the sake of buying…. these are meaningful and incredibly ‘productive’ gifts that truly impact the course of a child’s life.  Email me at Victoria@turnercoaching.com and I’ll send you the info!

Don’t forget to do what you love….

Yesterday I was on a deadline and missed my post. Sorry for being a day late!

I finished up my project this morning and decided to take my eldest to see the production of the Wizard of Oz.  I have been wanting to see a play for the longest time and I knew my daughter would love it but for many reasons, excuses, I just never bought the tickets…until now.

Sitting in the theater with my daughter Avery, and experiencing the goose bumps that I inevitably feel whenever I hear an amazing voice I was reminded how important it is to do the things that you love.  To make time for the things and energize and fill you.  Sure I took the afternoon off…..but what I gained is so much more than an afternoon of work!

What is important to you that you want to commit to stop putting off and just doing it?

My belief is that life’s too short not to enjoy the ride;)