I just hosted a fun night of Shopping for a Cause. It accomplished two of my favourite things of this season: connecting with friends and giving to others with a % of the proceeds supporting my father’s not-for-profit.
During the night as I was chatting with friends, I found myself repeating the comment “You can teach old dogs new tricks”.
I am proof, but even more so….
So often we hold ourselves back from taking action, that’s outside of our comfort zone, because of fear.
Paralyzed by a NHO “Negative Hypothetical Outcome” that of course we want to avoid.
But truthfully, we have no idea what the outcome will be until we try, yet we are committed to the fact that it’s going to be negative.
So….let’s go there…
As ambitious women, with full plates, so often we are goal centric.
Becoming hyper focused on our goals and delaying our happiness until the outcomes are achieved and/or missing out on so many other things transpiring around us while we push forward.
Ironically by doing this I bet that either one or both are impacting what’s most important to you.
I recently went through a low period.
We all do. We are all human.
I had just come off of my high after completing a road show, hosting workshops for female entrepreneurs in cities across western Canada. When I came back, I was accessing my landscape and felt defeated and frustrated by a few things.
The details are irrelevant because what brings me down will be different from you, but I know that you too experience struggle.
The point is, we all experience setbacks. Trying times.
Life would have been so different had I known then what I know now.
Not from the work and life experiences I’ve gained over my time on earth, but how I would have navigated the thoughts in my mind.
Growing up I was consumed by what people thought of me.
I truly felt that everyone was judging me. That people were always watching me critically at school, in sports, at work and even socially.
I was always concerned about people figuring out that I wasn’t as smart, kind or as good of an athlete as they thought I was.
I know that I’m not the only person who felt this way.
I recently had a conversation with an awesome, confident, ambitious, strategic and hard working woman. She is a ‘go to’ person that everyone knows will get the job done.
She’s constantly accessing the landscape between where she is, where she wants to go and what she can do to make it happen.
She says yes to stretch opportunities.
She’s unafraid of taking action that’s outside of her comfort zone.
She’s always leaning in.
She needs to start leaning out.
Do you worry about being perceived in a negative way?
It’s often this fear that keeps my clients and other women from doing what they know they need to.
Avoiding self-promotion or asking for one because they don’t want to appear arrogant, demanding, entitled, etc…
Not wanting to follow up with a client because they don’t want to be interpreted as desperate, needy, pushy, etc….
Not wanting to have a challenging conversation because they don’t want to appear confrontational, demanding, etc…
These are all possible and potential outcomes.
I was speaking with a client the other day who had lead her entire life with a deep desire and drive to prove herself, which she did time after time. She strove for perfection and her track record was amazing. She was a ‘go-to’ person. Everyone knew she’d get it done and well.
Despite her successes, accomplishments and promotions, she lacked a true belief in herself, which drove her need to please and prove.
She’s not alone.
This past weekend the topic of being short tempered and impatient came up a few times. At work, towards the people we love the most, there were no limitations.
We all do it. We are human.
I used to have a bad temper. My buttons easily pushed by those closest to me.
My excuse, “It’s just the way I am, I can’t help it”.
The warmer weather helps, but our feelings are not just a product of the long and cold winter.
It’s actually what we are not doing that leaves us feeling this way.
It’s the fact that we keep going, going and going, doing, doing and doing, rarely taking the time to refuel, if at all.
This is what we do as working women. Our plates are full and we just need to keep going.
We chalk it up as our reality and it often feels like not much can or will ever change.