A consistent theme in my conversations with intelligent, competent and ambitious women is fear.
Here’s a short VIDEO if you prefer to watch rather than read.
This fear can be boiled down of two things.
- We’ll be labelled badly – “They will figure out I’m not as good as they think I am”.
- We’ll fail.
Are you hearing any of these circling in your mind?
- I don’t want them to think I’m…..
- What if I don’t….
- What if I sound dumb….
- What I they think I’m greedy….
- What if they think I’m not committed…
If not these – what’s yours?
These statements are significant worries that stop us in our tracks.
We avoid what we know we have to because we don’t want to experience the hypothetical outcome.
But, not doing it is only going to keep you stuck.
Here’s how you can choose to get out of your own way.
3 Ways to Conquer Fear by Owning:
1 | It’s So Far From Your Reality:
In a recent conversation, a client was worried about appearing like a controlling #itch. The truth was that she is not only the most genuine, inspiring and able leader, but she’d have to work super hard to actually become this witch.
Her fear was so far from her reality.
A metaphor is arriving at a gym and seeing a woman with a super muscular body, then worrying that you don’t want to look like that. Going to the gym weekly, stretching into being healthy, is not going to produce that outcome. To be that cut you’d have to work really hard, change your natural habits and commit to being it.
2 | Your History Speaks Volumes:
An example was a client in a group session worrying about adding a Masters program to her already full life and schedule. She was uncertain how she was going to find the time for her priorities and put it out to the group to leverage our experiences. When we dove into asking questions and sharing, she realized that in spite of other crazy and demanding times in her life, she’d always prioritized her health and was able to get back on the wagon when she’d fall off.
Her biggest fear of not taking care of herself had never been an issue in the past, yet she’s spending a lot of time worrying about a very unlikely scenario.
3 | A Positive Outcome is Just as Likely:
The final perspective is that we are making it up.
We have no idea what the outcome will be, but we are pretty committed to the fact that it will be negative. Yes there’s a possibility – but now you know how to reframe with the two options above.
You are telling yourself a “NHO” – a Negative Hypothetical Outcome.
There’s just as likely a possibility of a PHO – a Positive Hypothetical Outcome. So, do yourself a favour and spend as much time acknowledging PHOs and you do NHOs.
The details around us are not going to change, just how we choose to navigate them.
We’d love to hear which perspective resonates most or what do you do when a feeling of fear rears its head?