I grew up with a ‘fire in my belly’, of course only on display around my family.
I am proud and grateful to say that for the most part my fire has been extinguished, but definitely gets ignited by triggers.
Triggered by things like how someone is responding, or not to me; when things are not going as planned; etc.
The little annoyances that we experience or encounter over the course of our day.
What is it for you?
What is something that is frustrating you right now?
One thing that has really helped me lower my frustration is to:
Give the Trigger a New Meaning and Stop Making it About Me.
Because we let things bother us.
Think about someone that you have a relationship with, who triggers your frustration? Now replace that person with a stranger doing the exact same thing….what do you notice?
Most often a situation with a stranger doesn’t trigger, or as hard, because we know it has nothing to do with us.
We aren’t internalizing the situation or making it about us.
The example my mother gives is:
“If your sibling told you that you had green hair, how would you feel? Nothing, because you know it’s not true. If they then told you that you are selfish, how would you feel? Triggered because you’ve internalized it and given it meaning.”
So, it’s up to us to choose how we let our triggers impact us.
We can do this by giving the trigger a new meaning and knowing it has nothing to do with us.
A trigger for me was in the morning when my kids weren’t doing what they needed to do to get out the door.
Totally disregarding what I’d asked them to do. (I’m by no means suggesting we don’t parent with boundaries, I’m just talking about how we are triggered.)
I would internalize their behaviour as a total lack of respect for me. I got up early to make their lives easier and they can’t even complete the simplest of tasks. They take me for granted.
The antidote is changing my interpretation or the meaning of the trigger and knowing that their actions actually say nothing about me.
The new meaning I’ve given it is that “They are making choices with clear consequences and it is not a reflection of me”.
Or maybe for you it’s not at home.
Maybe it’s a situation at work like a client whose colleague is abrasive with her and it would frustrate her to no end. Instead of making up the story that she isn’t respected, she chose to give it a new meaning. That his way of responding to her has nothing to do with her or her abilities, it just speaks to who he is. Diffusing her level of frustration.
So, how do you want to choose to interpret your current trigger?
What meaning do you want to choose to give it to lower your level of frustration?
The details around you won’t change, just how you choose to respond to them can.