Permission to Stop Giving

I was recently ‘stood up’, by a no-show, despite the fact that I had carved time out my schedule to give to someone for free.

I was annoyed.

I was giving my time away because I felt I SHOULD and it wasn’t received or valued.

MY BAD.

I have realized that for me there’s a clear distinction between giving something away that I WANT to, and giving something away I feel I HAVE to or SHOULD.

The no-show was MY reminder that it’s up to me to start creating my own boundaries for what I WANT to be giving away.

I know I’m not alone.

I have been listening to similar scenarios recently with clients also giving things away at their own expense.

So what about you? Is there something that you are giving away that you don’t necessarily want to be? It doesn’t have to be anything tangible. Is it your time, your energy, your commitment to something, etc…?

The thing is, once we know that there’s an imbalance, it’s up to US to do something differently. Or we become the ‘victim’ who complains about the inequalities, but does nothing about it.

So think about what it is that you are giving too much of it away?

Here are some of my recent client examples:

–  Someone who spends LONG hours at her work, consistently, despite the fact that everyone else on her team has left.

–  Someone who never disconnects. Who is always available and it’s at the expense of her personal time and her ability to be present with her family.

–  Someone who keeps saying yes to everyone’s requests because she, and they, know she’ll get it done.

So what is it for you?

4 Questions to Ask Yourself:
1.Why are you giving it away? How do you hope it’s being interpreted?
2.How is it impacting you? Who else is being impacted?
3.What do you stand to gain by stopping or limiting your actions?
4.How can you remind yourself of your choice to limit or stop?

WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER YOU CAN DO BETTER!

I’ll walk you through a recent example:
1.Why are you giving it away? How do you hope it’s being interpreted?
A client who wanted to make sure everyone saw her as a team player, a dependable go-to person who gets things gone. Even if it meant taking time away from her own work or staying really late so she could get it done.

2.How is it impacting you? Who else is being impacted?
Always being available and saying ‘yes’, was at the expense of her health – she never had time to take care of herself, and her family because she had limited time with them.

3.What do you stand to gain by stopping or limiting your actions?
She realized by saying ‘no’ to certain requests or delegating others, she could prioritize her own work, that she was ultimately being judged for. By valuing her own time she realized that others would also have more respect for it. Being a ‘yes’ girl was necessary at the beginning of her career, but 13 years into it, it wasn’t adding value to her any longer.

4.How can you remind yourself of your choice to limit or stop?
She loves food and used a restaurant metaphor to reminder herself of what she wanted. She realized that she was thought of as a fast food restaurant, always accessible, when really she wanted to, and need to be, a high end restaurant where people make a reservation, value the time they spend with it and are willing to wait.

It’s now up to you to give yourself permission to Stop!

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