It’s Not Me, It’s You

Do you ever get stuck, not doing what you know you need to because of a negative thought that keeps cycling through your mind. That little inner voice that keeps you from taking action?

Thoughts like:
“Who do you think you are to be doing that.”
“Don’t talk about yourself, people will think you are arrogant.”
“Don’t ask. You’ll appear desperate/demanding.”

Fill in the blank with your sentence: “………………………………………………………………………………………..”

If you can’t think of one off of the top of your head, maybe this will prompt you:
1. Identify an action you know you aren’t doing, that you really should be.
2. Ask yourself, what are you worried about being interpreted as?
3. On a scale of 1-10 (1 is SO far from your truth and 10 is actually ‘being’ that way), where do you fall?
4. Can you associate your response to #2 with something that transpired in your past that has left an impact on you?Maybe something you’ve heard someone say, or was unsaid, but interpreted from your mom, dad, teacher, boss, a girl or boy from high school, etc….

Name the person you associate this negative thought/sentence with:…………………


An EXAMPLE to help guide you through the process:
1. A client who really wanted a more senior role but was hesitant take the steps and ask.
2. She was afraid of being interpreted as arrogant by wanting to achieve more than her parents had.
3. Her truth that she was a 1, so far from being arrogant in a negative way.
4. She can remember growing up hearing her mom talk about others who were successful, with judgment and having negative things to say about them. She worried that her mom would think of her in this way too.


4 STEPS to Separate YOUR Truth From THEIR Thoughts:
1. TRUST: Trust your answer from #3 above.
2. NAME: When you hear the sentence, know that you are listening to (insert name from #4) ……………..thoughts.
3. SEPARATE: When you hear that negative sentence, separate THEIR thoughts from your TRUTH, by acknowledging that you are not them. That you are done listening. You can also be more straightforward and literally ‘Tell them where to go!’ or ‘Tell them what you think of them and to get lost’, etc…
4. ACTION: Just do it. Most things that are worth doing, aren’t easy!

It may feel mechanical at first but think of it this way.

What will you gain by continuing to honour #4’s thoughts, vs YOUR OWN. Are #4’s thoughts going to help you to live your version of success? Likely not.

It doesn’t mean that your #4 hasn’t added tremendous value to you and helping you to achieve all that you have so far, but from this point on, you get to choose how you navigate moving forward.

It wasn’t you….it was them.

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