The topic of low self-confidence has been on my radar recently and its impact on our ability to reach our goals.
Projecting low self-confidence isn’t only reserved for those who have internal self-doubt.
What I am noticing is that low self-confidence is also being unintentionally projected even by those who feel more self-assured.
It happens when we ‘position’ what we are going to say.
Positioning statements like:
- I may not be the expert in this but ….
- I may not have spent enough time researching this but….
- I may be wrong but…
- Sorry for bothering you but….
- I feel strange in saying this but….
- Promoting myself feels awkward but…
- I don’t mean to hound you but…
Positioning acts to protect us.
To avoid the chance of misinterpretation, dislike, etc…
Our ‘positioners’ add NO value. In fact they detract from what we are trying to communicate and is often interpreted as being delivered with low self-confidence.
It’s the sentence before the ‘but’ that is the cause of the misinterpretation and minimization.
Stop and notice what typically precedes your ‘but’? Does it undermine what you have to say?
HERE ARE 4 TIPS TO STOP MINIMIZING WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY:
1. TRUST that deleting your ‘positioner’ doesn’t mean you will be perceived as arrogant, opinionated, etc…
If you are in the habit of using the ‘positioner’ to protect yourself, I bet it would take a lot of extra energy to ‘be’ whatever it is that you are trying to avoid. That being said, by dropping it, there’s a high likelihood that it will reflect positively on you and what you have to say.
2. TRUST that what you are communicating has value. Otherwise, if you don’t think it does, don’t say it.
3. REREAD your emails before you send and DELETE the ‘positioners’.
4. When you’re speaking, DELETE the ‘positioner’.
It’s about breaking an old habit, it’s worth it! You have so much to benefit from doing it. What some of my clients have done is, at their next meeting, choosing to wear a colour, a bracelet, a ring, etc…something that they have intentionally chosen to remind themselves about deleting their positioner and just delivering the goods.
Minimize the ‘positioners’, not what you have to say.