Is Your Negative Voice Running Your Show?

Has the negative voice in your head been running the show for too long?

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I am noticing an urgent theme that keeps coming up in conversations with friends and clients.

It’s the need to shut down the negative voices in our heads that are ultimately rooted in experiences from our pasts.

What do I mean?

Recently on a call with a client she was sharing about her lack of self-confidence presenting to larger groups, and how uncomfortable it is for her to be in these situations.

Despite having merited her way up to a leadership role within her company, she would digress to how she felt as a teen when she was leading group meetings – assuming that people were saying things under their breath or talking about her once she turned her back.

The impact of this is huge, considering her every day job requires her to be in these types of situations.

She shared with me how she knew it all stemmed from the incredibly painful days of high school.

Something many of us can relate to.

We didn’t spend time digging into the different high school situations, because I truly believe that it doesn’t serve us to go back and harvest the memories, bringing energy to the painful and frustrating vivid details of the past.

They are what they are, we can’t change what’s transpired.

Through coaching, she was able to realize was that when she is in group situations, she was actually choosing to allow the high school experiences to hold power over her and impact how she shows in the present.

Trust me, she is not alone. Most of us do it – allowing past experiences to influence our current reality.

But when we know better we can do better. This is why I’m sharing.

Think about how often you might shy away from a situation because of a negative past experience? When the truth is, most likely that past experience has NOTHING to do with today’s opportunity.

When we choose to welcome the past into taint our current situation, we are giving away our power.

It’s hard to believe BUT WE ARE ACUTALLY CHOOSING to bring forward, to lug our negative experiences with us, alongside of different situations for the past 30-40+ years, giving them permission to taint, bring sadness, chaos…..or whatever they bring, into our current reality.

When in fact the past doesn’t have to have anything to do with right now.

With the client, the ‘mean girls’ have nothing to do with the meeting she is leading.

For me, a prevalent experience that I used to lug with me, literally for the first 35 years of my life (then I started to become aware) was “Good girls don’t….”.

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“Good girls don’t… talk about money.”

“Good girls don’t… speak their mind.”

“Good girls don’t…..create ripples.”

These were simply social niceties that I was raised with, with the best of intentions, either explicitly or what I interpreted.

Either way, I was living my life, inviting these messages/feelings to taint and impact my current situations.

But they weren’t helping or serving me at all.

As a business women and entrepreneur how would any of these add value to what I was trying to create?

 

SO what can we do differently?

Here’s a metaphor that might help.

Let’s think of this as a radio dial.

With all the different stations you can tune into.  You can choose what station you feel like listening to.

You get to choose.

So let’s bring in the client situation. When she’s in a group her default station is tuned into (Mean Girls) “MG 100.1”. Hearing the noise and chatter from the past.

For me, I used to default to (Good Girls Don’t) “GGD 200.2”, doing the same thing.

But we don’t have to stay tuned to that dial.  How much effort does it take to turn to a new station?

Literally and figurative, not a lot.

This is where she/I/we actively can choose to switch stations to one that brings us value like channel “Me 20.18”

When we are in a situation and we feel ourselves defaulting to a bad habit, a certain negative feeling, we consciously can choose to change the station.

Instead of listening to the negative reel playing in our head, we can choose to tune into the
“Me 20.18” and chose how we want to show up and feel in today’s situation.

To no longer be listening to the unhelpful noise of the old stations as we move through our current reality.

To choose to just be and do you.

You are strong and powerful.

 I trust and hope that this was helpful and you’ve gotten what you need.

But, if in your gut you know you need more, I want you to know that I am taking on new one-on-one coaching clients.

If you know that you would benefit from plugging into to an outlet to help you change your limiting beliefs and habits, let alone hold you accountable to not defaulting back to the old station, let’s connect for a Strategy Session to see if we are the right fit.

Click HERE to schedule our call.

 

Launching Soon: Season 2 of Your Power Tribe Podcast: A working women’s outlet for new perspectives, because none of us have it all figured out.

Click HERE to listen and subscribe for your relevant device.

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How Are You Speaking to Yourself?

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I used to speak to myself with such unkindness, most of the time not even realizing it or it’s impact.

Luckily, I no longer do and shared a bit of my story in my most recent Huffington Post blog.

bit.ly/2A7PWjz

Hope you enjoy… and think about share your story, or this article, with your daughters. It might be a new and invaluable perspective.

 

If you do the 24 Hour Challenge, please report back because I’d LOVE to hear how it goes.

You can share on any of the social platforms:

  • Twitter: @TurnerCoaching
  • Facebook: @GOOYOW – This is a closed Facebook group, so you know that the women in here are just like you. Wanting to thrive at work and in life, but we don’t know what we don’t know.  Be sure to join!  I’d love to hear from you.

Or simply stay connected on Insta: @GetOutOfOwnWay

Have an amazing day!

I Dropped The Ball

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It’s been a long time since I’ve shared.

As working women I know you can relate to juggling too many balls.  The feeling of just too much – that something has to give. My blog was a ball I chose to drop. 

I dropped it with a choice to be kind to myself. Full stop.

 

But now I’m back.

I have clarity and intention.

My mission is to be back in service to women just like us.

Women who want to:

  •        Thrive at work and in life but too often feel like we are failing at both.
  •         Do what we have been avoiding with increased confidence.
  •         Expand our networks in ways that add value to us and work within our schedule
  •         Connect with other like-minded women in relevant and productive ways
  •         Stop feeling like we are alone.
  •         Learn and leverage how others navigate similar scenarios

Sure, but why does it feel like such a challenge sometimes? 

Because this is life and our lives are full.  

And…it is the ONLY life we have to live.

What I now know is that the details around us are not going to change, just how we choose to navigate them can. 

But, we don’t know what we don’t know. 

Which leads me to my mission.  

My mission is to be an outlet for women, just like us. To plug into and to create the change we desire.  To leverage the experiences of other women in service of each other. I have some exciting new projects on the go that I CAN’T wait to share!

But in the meantime…

I just wrote a Huffington Post article titled: Is Status Quo Killing You? .

A great place to start is choosing to do things differently. To start taking inspired action. To get out of your own way, #GOOYOW, so you can live a life that brings you way more fun, joy, and success. 

Until the next time!

Best wishes, me.

3 Steps to Do What Scares You

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Last week I presented a “How to Self-Promote Authentically, with Confidence” keynote to 250 people and that was big deal for me. I had convinced myself that my content was best delivered in more intimate settings.

When I accepted the invitation, from the Women’s Executive Network in Toronto, I assumed the group would be 30-50 people, 100 max.

Well I was wrong.

The week before the talk, I found out over 200 people had registered.

I was so scared, but I knew that quitting wasn’t an option.

Earlier today I posted “How to Do What Scares You” on the Huffington Post that I wanted to share with you.

I hope you enjoy the read!

 

 

3 Ways to Conquer Your Fear

A consistent theme in my conversations with intelligent, competent and ambitious women is fear.

Here’s a short VIDEO if you prefer to watch rather than read.

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This fear can be boiled down of two things.

Fear that:

  1. We’ll be labelled badly – “They will figure out I’m not as good as they think I am”.
  2. We’ll fail.

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3 Leadership Lessons from Yoga

After almost a decade hiatus from yoga I decided to try again six months ago – but quit after one class because I got hurt.

I allowed my competitive, “try your best”, self to take over…and yoga won.

Since then I have turned 40 and my body is screaming at me to do something differently, so I decided to check my ego at the door and try again.

The class was SO HARD.

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How to Lower Your Frustration

I grew up with a ‘fire in my belly’, of course only on display around my family.

I am proud and grateful to say that for the most part my fire has been extinguished, but definitely gets ignited by triggers.

Triggered by things like how someone is responding, or not to me; when things are not going as planned; etc.

The little annoyances that we experience or encounter over the course of our day.

What is it for you?

What is something that is frustrating you right now?

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